Tuesday, April 12, 2011

For those who want to know what happened...

I had been with my dad most of the morning and I received a text from my now ex-bf wanted to know if I had seen Facebook today.. here is what happened.. I logged on and noticed I had a message so I opened it and this is what it said:

Him : okay... I don't know what your idea of dating is but no communication or interest is not a healthy start. I don't know why there is no spark but I'm not seeing it. I like you and am sorry if I hurt you... I've been trying to get you out of that little bubbel. I don't mind that you like your games etc. but if it drives you to the point that you seldom do anything else then i can't live in your world. I wouldn't mind being a friend but I'm not sure you like me... I don't want to change you or for you to be miserable... If you need or want my help for anything I'm still around...

--- So then I take it into text messaging upset by what I read.. btw.. I corrected some of his grammar. --

(Moved from Facebook to texting)
Me: A little late on the not wanting to hurt me part. That hurt... a lot.. I haven't been playing many games when you've come over lately. Just talking with a few friends.. And lack of communication?! Bullshit. I have hung out with you several times and I do like you. We've watched movies and talked quite a lot. Sorry I have been working.And sorry I have been trying to fill out paperwork so we (my parents and I) can move. And I am sorry I am currently sick but apparently none of that is important... Are you dumping me or are we going to work this out?

Him: I don't know if we can.. I don't mind trying.. That's why I left the status alone..

Me: I just now feel like, I am just a rebound girlfriend.. Because I have told you several times your the first real boyfriend I have had.. And it seems like everything I do is wrong.. And it seems like you don't want me to talk to my friends.. I can't just change who I am overnight.

Him: I don't mine that stuff. I just don't like being left in the loop not knowing what's going on for days. You have things about you I like, you don't run around behind bars, you include me with you in your life, you are able to content yourself at home. That's awesome stuff. I have turned someone else away because I like you. I just don't like usually sharing you with your computer and not hearing from you for days. Don't feel good and want to be left alone? Tell me. Not answering is just rude, I like to enjoy the outdoors too, not sure you do. And don't want dogs in the house or a big dogs in a little yard, or posters all over the house. I don't know how many things we won't agree on... If neither can give in it just makes things miserable. The not getting an answer for days and computer being your number one are my main issues right now. You said so yourself that you would hate to be away from technology. I could just sit in the woods by a lake for days and just chill. If we were together would you enjoy it with me? My phone is getting low...

Me: The computer is NOT my number one. I spent an entire day with you at the zoo. I go do things with you. So obviously it's not THAT important to me I am sorry you don't like dogs and I do. I only have posters in my room. And ONLY in my room. I don't use my phone that often with texting. I tend to forget I even have a phone.

Him: I'm sorry. I said I'm still here. (We move back to Facebook) (one text message before then was him asking if I wanted to see him. In which I said no because I had been crying all day.)

Him:  I don't know... is there a better way to get a hold of you during the weekend? You seem to get my messages during the week. It seems like during the weekend you are different... You seriously didn't look at your phone for days? You might not be as eager or open to talk to me as you claim...

Me: Lately I have been working closing shifts and I don't think to look at my phone RIGHT as soon as I get off. I love talking to you. So don't go trying to say that I am bull shitting about not looking at my phone.

Him: Ok. I still don't know what your up to though. I want to apologise also. Although I don't think you are a rebound I don't think it's going to be easy for me to be a bowl of cherries with how much everybody sucks. You kinda have the worst of me... I am a big dushbag to be late like three times in a row! :P So sorry about that to. I need goals. Your mothers right that it's about compromise but it's also about figuring out what you want what your other wants and if it's close enough to get there together. I don't know what you want... Long term sure but what about now? If your preoccupied that's fine, just don't keep me in the loop. You didn't work for two days straight. I'm busy for 23 of the 24 hours during the weekend and the one day I got a hold of you I was to long winded... What did you want to talk about? Cause if you don't want to even talk just cut me loose. I'm scared to offend you or lose you already and the love I have for you is a growing seed. When it might not work I want to know asap cause when the love grows into something bigger than your own life it sucks a lot worse... Communicate communicate, please! It's crucial...

Me: It sounds like this isn't going to work out between us... I always tell you what's on my mind, and I don't like answering way to personal questions which you always seem to ask me. And you weren't sharing me with the computer. You we're sharing me with my online friends. And that seems to be a HUGE problem for you. I like you a lot... but you keep hurting me.. I am close to my friends.. and I tried to include you in with them.. but you always seem irritated at me.. or upset with me. To me it seems like your bi polar with me.. You seem to be okay with me the way I am. Then get mad/upset with me..

Him: Sounds like your right... I didn't realize i kept hurting you... That's not good, esp so soon. I'm sorry... At least we had a few good times though right? ...

Yeah we did have fun.. we should just go back to being friends then..

And that is pretty much what happened.. I tried to fix things.. because I really didn't want to break up.. some of the things mentioned we HAD TALKED ABOUT BEFORE! And he didn't, apparently, listen to what I had said.. So now.. I am upset... and been crying on and off all day..